Second Chance Mates Box 1 Page 3

  Maddy pulls on my arm, staring up at me. “Daddy, I’m hungry.”

  “What do you want to eat?” I stand up to check the fridge, there isn’t much, but there is enough to come up with some type of dinner.

  “I want pancakes.” I know she’s testing me, trying to see what I’ll allow her, but I’m in no mood to deny her anything.

  I grab the ingredients for the batter and start making the pancakes, enough for the four of us. Because, thinking about it, it’s been a while since I had any food. And no matter what, being a good host is important too.

  Sarah steps back into the kitchen, her face thoughtful, but she gives me a tight smile when she sees me looking at her. “Pancakes? Your princess is lucky.” She kneels down next to Maddy. “Is daddy spoiling you? Pancakes for dinner?”

  I don’t need to look at them to hear the smile in Maddy’s voice. “Yeah…”

  “Will you be good to Daddy, then?” Sarah comes over to me, looking over my shoulder. “I’m going now. Call me if you need anything.”

  “Thank you for everything you’ve done these past days. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.” I feel my throat close up and shake my head. How do you even properly thank someone in these situations? Then I realise that she came in on her own and that someone is still missing from the kitchen. “Where is Wilder?”

  “He’ll be in soon. He’s changing into something clean.” When she sees the look in my eyes she really smiles. “Let’s just say that you have enough firewood to run the fireplace for a couple of days, maybe even weeks.” Oh. She winks and then hugs me. “I’ll check in on you tomorrow.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” I pull her close, her warmth reassuring. “Have a safe trip home. Drive safe.”

  “I will. You take care of yourself and Maddy.” She goes back over to my little girl. “If you need me, call me. You can borrow Daddy’s phone, yeah?”

  “Yeah.” Maddy nods and looks up at me. “Right?”

  “Right.” I nod at her and Sarah leaves the kitchen, a couple of moments later the front door opens and her car starts. With that, she’s gone, leaving me alone again.

  Maddy stands next to me as I heat up the skillet. “Can you do shapes? I want shapes.”

  “You know Daddy can’t do those. Only Dad could.” I swallow hard, trying not to let my emotions overrun me. “We’ll just have to make normal ones this time. Okay?”

  “But I want shapes.” Maddy’s voice hitches and I feel like such a crap parent right now. Why can’t I give my daughter what she wants? What she needs? She doesn’t need a failure like me.

  I startle as a voice comes from the door. “I can do shapes. I haven’t done them in a while, but I’m sure I can remember how to.” Wilder steps into the kitchen, his suit replaced by a worn pair of blue jeans and a T-shirt, then he looks at me, and the moment our eyes meet, I can breathe a little easier. I’m not alone in this, at least not right now. I’m such an Omega, I can’t even take care of my family without an Alpha or a Beta present.

  “You can?” Maddy’s eyes light up.

  “Yeah. Who do you think taught your dad how to make them?” He comes over, rustling her hair. “Just, bear with me, it’s… been a while since I did this.” There is a flash of something going over his face before he looks at me again. “Go on, sit at the table you two. I’ll show you the skills of a real master.” He touches my lower back for a moment as he steps past me, his touch comforting, safe, relaxing me a little.

  We make our way to the table, from where we can watch Wilder show off. It’s fun, especially since the first couple don’t really come out as expected, a wonky heart, a flower that looks more like a blob and a few other odd shapes. But, next to me, Maddy is smiling, enjoying the show Wilder is putting on and I guess, I’m smiling too, a real smile. I can relax, I’m home, I’m safe and I’m with Maddy, for now, those are the most important things. I can worry about the rest later.

  “Daddy! Eat!” Maddy hops in the chair next to me. I’ve been so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even realise that Wilder put a plate in front of me too.

  After a while, Wilder sits down at the table with us, a way too big stack of pancakes in the middle.

  He sees me look. “Anything we don’t eat, I’ll turn into breakfast tomorrow.”

  I don’t know if I find it odd or comforting that he assumes he’ll be on breakfast duty tomorrow. “Thanks.”

  “No problem. I love cooking, and food.” He smiles and digs into his own stack of pancakes. Yeah, I can see that.

  I try to eat some of the pancakes in front of me, but, even though I’ve barely eaten these last few days, I just can’t seem to.

  Wilder looks at me, his eyes softening. “Don’t force yourself. We don’t want you to get sick.”

  I nod and look at the clock, it’s getting late. “Maddy, it’s time to go to bed. Go get changed.”

  “But I want to stay up longer. I don’t have to go to school tomorrow, right?”

  “Right, but you still need to get changed.”

  “Only if Wilder will tell me a story.” She challenges us.

  “But I don’t know any good stories.” He smiles as he says it.

  “I have books full of stories, you can read those.” Maddy hops off her chair.

  “Sure, but you need to get changed and ready really fast, okay?” He stands up, looking at the clock. “Three, two, one. Go!”

  And, like magic, she’s off. Her little feet bouncing down the hall. I’ve been having no luck with getting her to do much of anything lately, but Wilder seems to have the correct charm to get her moving. Or, maybe it’s just because he is new, that he’s a new plaything that she’s excited about.

  When I look up at him, there is a strange look in his eyes, like he is sizing me up, then he averts his eyes.

  “I’m… Eh…” He waves his hands. “Something.” His stance deflates. “I don’t know. I feel like I should do something, since I’m standing and all, but I have no clue what.”

  “Help me clean up?” I stand up, grabbing some plates.

  “I can do that.” He turns on the hot water tap, and I let out a smile.

  “Wild?” I wait for him to turn around, but am stopped in my tracks when he looks at me oddly. “What?”

  “My name…”

  “Wild—” I realise my mistake. “Is that not okay?”

  His forehead creases, then he shakes his head. “It’s okay, I guess. It’s just been a while since someone called me that.” It’s that weird look in his eyes again, like a painful memory.

  “Okay…” I try to remember what I was going to say. “Oh, you don’t need to do that. We have a dishwasher.” I open one of the cupboards and show him our ‘hidden’ dishwasher. “We didn’t think it fit the style of the kitchen.”

  “Good. I like that.” He helps me put the dishes in the washer and as we put the last cups in, Maddy’s footsteps rush down the hallway.

  “How did I do?” She’s all excited now and I cringe, that’s going to be one hell of a task to get her to sleep.

  Wilder looks at the clock again, appearing to check the time. “Really fast! Wow!”

  Maddy shines as she comes over for a quick kiss and a hug. “Night night, Daddy. See you in the morning.” Then she looks around and her face falls. No Dad, no Logan.

  Instead Wilder steps in, holding out his hand to her. “Show me where you sleep, so I can tell you the best story ever.”

  It helps, at least for now, Maddy relaxes and shows a small smile. It would be good if she actually went to sleep tonight, I know she barely did the last couple of nights. As they disappear down the hallway, I turn on the dishwasher and make my way to the living room. I turn on the TV and curl up on the couch. There isn’t anything I want to watch, or am even inclined to watch, but I don’t dare to get behind my computer or look at my phone right now. I’m not ready for that, I’m not ready for the world. I pull a blanket around myself, creating a little cave. Safety.

  Slow footsteps c
ome down the hallway again, Wilder, but I don’t hear Maddy’s light steps with his. The door opens and Wilder comes inside.

  “Hey.” His low voice makes me shiver for a moment.

  “Did she fall asleep?” I look at him and he stares back at me, then he nods.

  “Yeah. She fell asleep pretty quickly. She was exhausted.” He comes over and sits down on the other side of the couch.

  “I can imagine.” I yawn. I’ve barely slept either, it’s a wonder I’m even sort of functional at the moment. “You’re good with Maddy, do you have kids of your own?”

  A dark shadow crosses his face, making my heart ache for him. “No…”

  Even though I can see it hurts him, I can’t help but ask. “Why not?” He seems great with Maddy, and she seems to like him too.

  “I…” He stops, thinking it over for a moment. “My…” he starts, “my partner would never have been able to.”

  “Would?” Oh, crap.

  “I lost them, about a decade ago.” He closes his eyes, his face pained, and instinctively I reach out, taking his hand.

  Fuck. No wonder he looks looks so upset by Logan’s death. No wonder Sarah is so careful around him. No wonder he seems to know how I feel, what I need. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried. That was none of my business.”

  He squeezes my hand, looking at our hands combined, and lets out a shuddering breath. “It’s okay. I just don’t usually talk about it.” He looks me over again. “Have you had any sleep these last couple of days?”

  I shrug. “Some. Maybe a few hours. I can’t—” I stop for a moment, trying to keep my voice under control, it’s shaking too badly. “I can’t seem to sleep alone in the big bed. Too many memories.” Too fucking many memories that I’m not ready to confront, that I’m not ready to face right now.

  He nods. “Try to sleep here. I’ll stay with you if you want me to.”

  “Thank you.” It’s not just the memories, it’s the being alone that’s the worst. It’s the knowing he’ll never return. I pull the blanket higher over me to hide my tears, but Wilder tugs on my shoulder and I let him pull me onto his lap. Using his legs as a pillow, his heavy arm over my shoulder, letting me know I’m not alone. At least not in the physical sense, because there is no way to soothe the gaping hole in my chest, the hole that Logan left behind. You’re not supposed to lose your mate, we’re not made for that, we’re mates because we’re together for life.

  Still, it doesn’t take long for sleep to overtake me. A deep, dark, but dreamless sleep. The sleep of an exhausted man.

  So I’m not sure if I’m just imagining things or if Wilder really muttered, “fuck you, Lo, for leaving us both.”

  5. Wilder

  When I wake up I’m confused for a moment, the room I’m in is bright, sun shining through the windows, but even more odd is the weight in my lap. It takes me a moment to orient myself, to realise where I am and who the man in my lap is. Sterling. Yesterday is mostly a blur, so many things going on all at once, and then to have to face the fact that my mate, my Logan, is really gone. I move a little and Sterling lets out a soft sound.

  Then his eyes open, slowly blinking before his stormy greys settle on me. His eyebrows lower before he sits up. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I move a little more, stretching my muscles. “How did you sleep?”

  “A lot?” He turns to me. “Sorry for falling asleep like that. I guess I just needed to close my eyes for a moment.”

  “It’s okay. It was probably long overdue.” I stand up slowly, stretching my sore muscles, both from the sudden outburst of chopping all the wood yesterday and sitting in the same position for hours. “Do you want breakfast?”

  Sterling nods, his features still soft from being sleepy. “And coffee?”

  I smile a little. “I’ll see what I can find.” I make my way over to the kitchen before I properly take a breath. Seeing Sterling in the morning like this, before my brain really kicks in, I realise how beautiful he is. I get why Logan was attracted to him. If it wasn’t a fucked up situation like this, I may have even been interested in him. But it is, and that means that he’ll never be more than Logan’s mate to me. Logan’s other mate.

  I reach up, running my fingers over the back of where my neck and shoulder meet. Logan’s bite mark is still there. Supposedly, that only happens with your true mate. But, if Logan hadn’t also marked and mated Sterling, he shouldn’t have been able to get pregnant… right?

  “Wilder?” Maddy is standing right in front of me, looking at me with Sterling’s eyes, but Logan’s soft blue colour.

  “Morning. Did you sleep well?” I start moving again, finding the coffee maker and the grounds and filters for it. It’s weird to just automatically know where everything is, to see how set Logan was in his ways all these years. As the scent of coffee, the same brand he drank a decade ago too, starts to fill the kitchen I take the leftover pancakes from the fridge. I look down at Maddy, who is still quiet.

  Tears are streaming down her cheeks and as she opens her mouth, the only thing coming out is a big sob.

  Oh, hell. I quickly cross the kitchen and as soon as I’m near enough, she latches onto me. “What’s wrong?”

  “I dreamed about Dad coming home.” The sobs and tears don’t let up and I wrap my arms around her. Poor girl. Dreaming about someone who is gone, waking up after that… Those days are the worst. She looks at me. “I know that’s impossible. But I still dreamed about it.”

  “It’s okay to sometimes dream about him. We all do. He was very important to all of us, so in our heads we’ll sometimes still see him. And that’s okay. It’s okay to miss him and to feel sad.” I kneel down in front of her, taking her in my arms tighter, my heart broken like hers. When I look up, Sterling is staring at me from the doorway, tears in his eyes, harsh lines set around his mouth as he tries to keep quiet. Damnit. Then he turns around and leaves. I want to go after him, comfort him too, but I know that he needs time on his own. I’m there for the both of them, but Maddy I can comfort, Sterling… he requires different help. “Hey, how do you want your pancakes?”

  “I don’t know.” She lets go of me and looks at the stack. “Pancakes for breakfast too.”

  “Yeah.” I stand up and check the fridge, spotting bacon and I know from last night that they still have some golden syrup. “I’ve got an idea.” I chop the bacon, fry it in the frying pan, chop up the pancakes and add them. When that’s all nice and hot and crispy, I pile it onto three plates, adding the syrup. “Here you go.”

  Maddy stares at it for a moment, but then she digs in. Closing her eyes as she makes a content sound. That is one fed, now the other.

  Just as I’m about to go look for Sterling, he walks back into the kitchen, changed into clean clothes and looking at least a little fresher. He eyes the plate of food in front of him. “Long time since I had this. Logan made me this a couple of times when I was pregnant with Maddy.” He ruffles her hair as she is still happily munching away on her breakfast. “Maybe that is why she loves pancakes so much.” He lets out a little laugh, and it’s a combination between a painful and a loving memory.

  The rest of the breakfast is relatively calm. We talk a little about our lives, we eat and sometimes, we get lost in thought. After breakfast, Sterling shows me around the garden, around their fields. I saw some of it yesterday, but I didn’t really pay much attention to my surroundings then. He talks about their vegetable garden, their chickens, their sheep. About how everything runs here on a day-to-day base. There is a sadness in his voice, but also a pride in all the things they have done here. Sometimes Maddy is with us, other times she is playing inside or even tending to the small patch of garden that is her own. I’m surprised by how responsible she seems with it, then again, she may just be showing off for me, even just a little, anything to distract herself. Even though Logan was never really an outside person, I can see his stamp on the things around me, the way the rows of vegetables are placed, or the way the design of the whole garden
allows a sense of openness while also being sheltered. It makes the way that Sterling has influenced his life so much more obvious. Looking around, I can see the attraction to a life like this, the calm, the routine, the way everything grows and blooms. It feels homely.

  As I’m staring at their little flock of sheep, Sterling touches my arm. “Thank you for being here. I don’t know if I could do this on my own. I’m not sure if I’d have been able to get up out of bed. Before yesterday, there was this feeling like I had to just keep living for one more day. But, after the funeral… I feel lost.”

  “You’ll be fine. Not today, not tomorrow, and things will never be the same again, but you’ll get through it. And I’m not even doing anything.” I look at him, at how he fights to get his words out.

  “You’re here. Someone to make sure that I’m doing okay. It helps.” He looks around, his eyes on all the different parts of the garden. “It took us years to build this, and it will take many more years before it’s finished.”

  “You’ll make it happen. And I’m sure Maddy will be a great help.” I smile a little as Maddy has run off to hug one of the sheep, talking excitedly at them.

  “Our animal whisperer.” Sterling follows my gaze, there is a pride in his eyes that brings a lump to my throat. That pride, I can imagine it was the same for Logan, and now he’ll never see his little girl grow up.

  We startle as my phone rings. I check the caller ID, Sarah. So, she did have my number. Then why didn’t she call me? Why did I have to hear about Logan through my sister? Anger rises, but I still pick up the phone. “Yes?”

  “Is Sterling okay? And Maddy?” Sarah sounds panicked.

  That catches me off guard. “Yeah, they’re fine. We’re in the garden.”

  “Oh, good.” Her voice calms down and she lets out a breath. “I couldn’t get a hold of them. Can you put Sterling on the phone?”

  I look at Sterling, who is still standing next to me. “Sarah wants to talk to you.”

  He nods. “Sure.”